Murder Mystery 2

Whenever Adam Sandler gets bored basking in his millions and wants to go on a trip, he makes a movie. Such is the case here. But first, let’s get this glaring observation out of the way. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being really hot looking, where would you put Adam Sandler? A generous 4 maybe?

Now look at some of his top leading co-star love interests: Selma Hayak, Jennifer Anniston, Kate Beckinsdale, and Jessica Biel. They’re all 10’s. 10’s don’t go out with 4’s; even those that have millions of dollars. You get what I’m saying. So once you get past the impossibility that this super hot chick would give Sandler the time of day(unless it’s for a children’s charity event), then you can feel free to enjoy the movie.

Unless of course, it’s a Sandler bomb, which most of his movies are. He should have quit while he was ahead 20 years ago. With him, it’s either hit or miss. And this flick is a capital M. I. S. S. Watching Anniston made it somewhat tolerable at times, while I covered my eyes to avoid Sandler.

We also get some good views of Hawaii and Paris. Other than that, the script is about as formulaic as a recipe for plain mashed potatoes: Adam and Jennifer are detectives invited to a friend’s wedding, things go wrong, Adam and Jennifer save the day. Brilliant.

The end leaves us in suspense as Adam and Jennifer are stranded on a flying helicopter after the pilot steals their money and bails out. Let’s all hope the screen writer does something right and kills them off so we won’t be subjected to Murder Mystery 3.

This movie is beyond terrible, but because it has a couple of hot chicks and Mark Strong, the accomplished and respected British actor, we’ll move it from “Complete disgrace” to “Not too crappy”.

But this begs the question, how exactly did they get a guy like Mark Strong to be in such an amateur-hour piece of nothingness?

I think here’s how the conversation went:

“Hey Mark! Adam Sandler. My producers thought this pathetic movie I’m making needs gravitas. So I thought I’d ask a well-known British actor like you to star as the bad guy. You interested?”

“No thanks.”

“OK. How about we pay you $2,000,000 for 30 days shooting with all expenses paid to Hawaii and Paris?”

“Where do I sign?”

And Wala! Netflix gets to add another masterpiece to its library.